Foals Run in 2 Hours, Babies in 1 Year: Newborn Slander Twitter Viral Thread Roasts Infancy

While a foal is up and running within 2 hours of birth, it takes a human baby nearly 4 months just to roll over. A hilariously tongue-in-cheek newborn slander Twitter viral thread has taken the internet by storm, roasting the utter helplessness of human infants. What started as a joke has turned into a massive venting session for parents worldwide.

The Newborn Slander Twitter Viral Thread: Why We're Roasting Babies

Twitter user Charlily sparked the fire with a simple prompt: "Let's slander newborns." The response was immediate. Users began pointing out the biological 'failings' of infants, such as how a baby's first smile—usually occurring before 2 months—is actually just gassiness rather than genuine joy.

According to data from bounty.com, these tiny humans are governed by basic reflexes. Touch a cheek, and they turn; put a finger in their palm, and they grab. This biological automation, combined with their total dependence on the 7 billion people already here, makes their 'dominant species' status look questionable to some humorists.

From 'Poo Machines' to the 12-Month Milestone

The roast continued through the developmental stages. At 6 months, babies are described as 'poo-and-vomit machines' that finally allow parents to sleep for 6-8 hours. It isn't until 8 months that they can sit unaided, and even then, they remain 'wobbly' and in constant need of supervision.

By the 10-month mark, they might finally grasp the concept of waving 'bye,' and as they approach 1 year, they start 'cruising' using furniture for support. The thread highlights that while the rewards of parenting are plentiful, the first year is a relentless cycle of repetition and care for a creature that can't even stand on its own for more than a few seconds.